♥ YUN.

iamyun @ 2009-12-24T01:03:00

2009-12-23T17:03:09Z

I'm trying hard not to care.
But it hurts a lot inside.

What if I say, you mean everything to me.
What if I say, without you I feel scared and empty all the time.

I bought cakes for my mum today. It's her birthday. She has been worrying a lot for the family, I know. And I know I am one of her worries as well. For being such a bad daughter.
Despite all the shit that we are in, I hope that everybody in the family will be safe and sound. Everyone of them will pull through whatever they are facing.

iamyun @ 2009-12-18T22:44:00

2009-12-18T14:45:47Z

Why the hell do they have so many bloody things to quarrel about.
It has been like this since the other time and its really irritating.
I hate the noise I hate how I have to come back to the family with them shouting nonsense at each other.

I thought of getting out of here but I couldnt think of where to go and I thought of calling someone but I couldnt think of anyone and what to say if the line's through.
People cannot understand why I behave like what I behave at home. Can they understand how it feels like to live in a house like this then? These are times I wish my sis will be here with me. Then at least I know she will understand. And only she will understand.

I would really like to feel how it feels like to have a happy family. But now I don't give a damn. Shout all you want.

Angel.

2009-12-08T15:49:52Z

After all these, I have learnt that its best not to put in your heart into anything at all.
Whether its love or friendship.
Its true to say that the more you expect, the more disappointment you will get.
Whatever you intend to send across to another party, things get twisted and misunderstood.
I used to believe in showing love and concern to people I really love and care about. Whether or not it means sending smses or calling to check on them when I sense something is wrong or buying a little something when that something reminds me of a certain person.
But I guess nobody really needs it.

I have learnt that the more we show our affection, the more it gets taken for granted. I miss you, I care about you, I treasure you, the more they are said the more people get sick of them and then these words start to lose their real meaning. But what happens when we really mean them when they are said? Its not really the same if the other party doesn't feel the same. If you really get what I mean.

I have learnt that people like to hang out with happy people. This sounds stupid and funny but I feel its true. Few can really talk about their deepest fears or feelings with people in fear of getting ostracized. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we should learn to solve problems ourselves because we've grown up and should be mature enough not to trouble others. But its through all these sharing we learn to know more about each other isn't it. This is why I like to have heart to heart talks with people I care about. If given a choice I would rather listen to sad stories rather than happy ones. This gives me a chance to understand the real person he/she is, not just the one I have always known or seen. But it is not the same if the other party feels that it is not necessary. Also many at times we are too busy for all these. So when we have that little time to spent with each other of cos we choose to share happy thoughts. So do we still blame it on time? Or do we blame it on growing up?

How much do we really know about each other then? There are so many things happening in everyone's lives, too many to really share with anyone at all. At one moment when you really feel like sharing with someone you don't know who to turn to. At another when you really share it with someone you think can understand the other party doesn't. When this happens you tell yourself, "see isn't it better to solve it yourself and not bother others about it?"

I have learnt that crying alone at the end of the day is the most helpless feeling one can ever feel. Sadly, I think this happens to everyone out there too.
Everybody needs a guardian angel.

.

2009-12-07T12:55:59Z

Like a fool.

2009-12-05T16:52:18Z

Do you know how it feels?

And yet I know this is not the worst. Its only the beginning.

At this moment,
nothing matters anymore. I know I am stupid but I just cant stop crying.
I've been dreaming for far too long and I knew clearly that I should wake up but still I allowed myself to indulge in the dreams for as long as I wished.

I've been searching for the truth. Waiting for the truth. I should have known that the truth has been living inside me all along.
I was just lying to myself all these while.

梁小乐 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2009-11-30T20:15:52Z

AIYO the boyboy super cute lar. Kids nowadays are so smart! He's only 5 yrs old leh.
I'm loving 下一站, 幸福!

iamyun @ 2009-11-30T19:48:00

2009-11-30T11:48:57Z

Does growing up mean having to keep quiet and accept everything in order to be accepted as well?
Some of the things hurt a lot actually and yet I had to pretend that they didn't. Just so I would not become a nuisance and that I would still be seen as the same person you all knew. I hate to hear words like "You've changed" though I know that yes we all change as time passes by.
Who really changed? We tend to use growing up as an excuse for all the changes in us. Whether or not they are good or bad.

I don't know why but it always seems like I am the one at fault whenever similar things happen. I really hate to explain myself because I always feel that explanations are used when we don't believe in each other. People who are not good with words or expressing themselves tend to be the ones at the losing end. I don't mean that kind of lost in competitions but hmmm if you get what I mean.

What happened to that kind of understanding we all used to have in the past? Now I feel like I don't know anyone at all.
Then again, is keeping quiet really a good thing? I think its a form of running away and I think we are all guilty of it.
Keeping quiet doesn't solve anything, but I agree that it is indeed a good way to avoid trouble.

Love is...

2009-11-28T15:20:41Z

The hero in her dreams.

2009-11-27T16:20:36Z

Met up with han just now. :)) Short but I really miss her alot!

Can't wait for Christmas seriously. I can only say time passes reallllyyyy fast! This seems like yesterday! Everyone's so busy that I feel that we are losing track of time. I miss the good old times. Our never ending late night movies and suppers..............................................................

I had a really bad dream last night. Once again it reflected the things that I fear in reality. Nonono they cannot happen.
:(

iamyun @ 2009-11-27T04:30:00

2009-11-26T20:30:55Z

Just finished watching Departure, a Japanese movie, and I can't stop crying.
Its a movie about death and the job of a mortician. To many its not a profession to be proud of, because its a taboo to talk about death and also many may think that its a 'dirty job'. In fact after watching this I feel that its a profession that we should respect and words can never express that kind of gratitude that the family members of the deceased can feel. To be able to send their loved ones off in the most beautiful manner, and to do something simple yet meaningful for someone they don't exactly know.

Life.

iamyun @ 2009-11-22T01:43:00

2009-11-21T17:43:43Z

Sorry its me again. I dont mean to keep coming here and write this kind of shit but I cant take it anymore. I have no one to tell and I dont know what to do on a sleepless night like this.

I tried to force myself to sleep earlier on, after they started to quarrel. She kind of pulled me into the quarrel and of cos being me I shouted at her and the whole house was a mess. I managed to fall asleep but was woken up more than 5 times by that banging of doors plus their shoutings. I tried to cover my ears by putting my fingers into them but it didnt help for long. And then I thought that after she bathed and went into the room it would be fine but I still couldnt sleep cos he was still outside watching tv. The whole time I was so scared that I would be woken up by their sudden outbursts again. The whole time I was crying so hard and yet I was supposed to pretend to be asleep. Then he went to bathe and went into the bedroom and thats it. They yelled and I got up furiously and here I am.

These are the times I wish I don't have to wake up the next morning. These are the times I feel like nothing matters anymore.
I was so furious I ate the flu medicine hoping that it would make me feel sleepy when I finally got up just now.

To hell with all that shit about growing up. Growing up means having to deal with all these shit alone.

Torn apart.

2009-11-21T09:10:31Z

"You know, some things are just so hard to write about.
It's like you've got this unnoticeable tape shutting the mouth.
You have the tendency to either over-dramatized it or underplayed it.
Prattling irresponsibly brings you nowhere too.
It's never really penned the way you wanted it to be.

Being outwardly unhappy and chronically depressed annoyed people.
But pretending everything is fine kills me, I'd drown in my own mind."

-taken somewhere.

That's exactly how it feels.
Go on, just carry on annoying people.
Its what you're best at isn't it.

To you, my dearest friend.

2009-11-19T16:15:59Z

A small gesture from you got me in tears. Those that I have been holding back for the last few weeks.
I know its your way in showing that you care. And I can feel it. Through the tears memories kept flashing back in my mind, memories of us when we had all the time in the world. doing what we like to do, talking on the phone till the wee hours, calling each other just to cry to each other. We knew that no matter how late it was the other would always pick up and listen and then cry together. We did whatever we could to make each other happy, from writing short but sweet notes, to surprise visits at home or at workplaces with flowers. From you sending me MMSes of your cute photos to make my day, to me thinking of different ways to sms you to cheer you up everyday. Come to think about it, you went through the most with me, more than anyone else, You were there when I hated myself the most, you were there when I needed the support to go on, and you were there when I was heartbroken.

Things are different because we've grown and time has taken some things away from us. But deep down I know you still care a lot. In your own ways. Maybe different from what we did in the past but still you care. I know I've changed a lot and I'm sorry if I wasn't there when you were in your lowest. Trust me I really do feel sorry whenever I think about it. I blame myself for thinking that I'm not needed. I know I'm being stupid to think this way. haha.

After everything I want to say thank you to you my dear. I hope you know that all that you've done mean so much to me.
Last but not least, I love you girl. Whether or not you're 150cm or 170cm, and whether or not you're round like a ball or skinny like bones. I love you for being you. :) I hope to be there till we're both old and till our boobs turn saggy (ANW WE SAME SIZE SO ITS OKAY I WONT FEEL SO SAD EVEN IF IT HAPPENS COS I HAVE YOU. lollll insist we have same size).

You'll always be my dearest janjan. :)

The rain may be falling hard outside,
but with you I know it will always be alright.

Hey you!

2009-11-18T12:31:35Z

She was talking to me btw. HAHA. This jieying arhhhhhh. She must have learnt this from her korkors.

Hello,

2009-11-17T08:58:42Z

I've seen the skin doctor twice this month and spent $700++ in total.
PLEASE to whoever who can grant my wish, let it recover. You can say I am desperate for it.
Everyday I see myself in the mirror and I wish that I can disappear into thin air so that I don't have to go out and face the world.

You won't know how it feels so don't try to judge me after reading this post.

The one.

2009-11-16T11:47:09Z

I have always believed that the one who understands will understand.

And all these while I have always hoped for you to be the one.

Feels like shit.

2009-11-15T16:09:15Z

I can't take it. I'm too tired. I just feel like I should not show up for the paper tmr.
Did I really make a right choice taking up part time studies?
Or am I in the wrong job?

:(

Confession;

2009-11-11T13:01:27Z

The part I love the most from 痞子英雄.

After my exams......

2009-11-10T19:28:51Z

桃花小妹

下一站，幸福

海派甜心

我在1949，等你

Drama queen haha.
Actually already started with the first 3 dramas lar. But I am really looking forward to the last one cos it looks different from normal ones, somemore 小鬼's in it.
I love watching endless dramas because I tend to learn a lot of things from them and it helps me to kill my alone time.

Recently I feel that my health is finally giving way. Been having flu and cough for quite a long time and people who know me will know I seldom fall sick. Swollen and itchy ( I mean really itchy and swollen and painful :( )and dry lips then weird rashes and peeling skin around my neck area. And then came menstrual cramps which I haven't had since quite long ago and of cos the never ending gastric pain and pimples outbreak.

I want exams to end soon. I want to get out of this job soon too. The dirty and corrupted place.
I hate to see everyone busy with their own lives. It gives me a feeling that as we grow we are losing the child and innocence in us.
We are slowly forgetting to treasure. Treasure those happy and sweet memories and the people who created them.

iamyun @ 2009-11-07T02:01:00

2009-11-06T17:59:27Z

萧亚轩 - 坦白

无数个夜晚任性的被你宠坏
我曾想就这样耍赖
如今默默呼吸孤单
失去了什么还剩下什么不再等待
面对你慷慨无节制的爱
我该不该勇敢的离开

对自己坦白爱狠狠的还在
找朋友陪伴都比不过你一半
泪在眼里打转爱已变成黑白
找不到答案也不想谎言主宰

对彼此坦白我们真的失败
背叛不是意外就算承诺不再
新欢成了旧爱爱的没了姿态
我会释怀让时间把一切都冲淡

失去了什么还剩下什么不再等待
面对你慷慨无节制的爱
我该不该勇敢的离开

对自己坦白爱狠狠的还在
找朋友陪伴都比不过你另一半
泪在眼里打转爱已变成黑白
找不到答案也不想谎言主宰

对彼此坦白我们真的失败
背叛不是意外就算承诺不再
新欢成了旧爱爱的没了姿态
我会释怀让时间把一切都冲淡
就让它冲淡

iamyun @ 2009-11-07T01:48:00

2009-11-06T17:45:31Z

All the memories are becoming so vague now.
If they mean nothing to you, then they mean nothing at all, right?
Is it wrong to cry for such meaningless things then?

Maybe I'm really as dumb as what other people think afterall.

Must be the rain.

2009-10-31T15:57:57Z

Haven't been doing proper updates about things and also my bday etc cos I'm too lazy and I have not gotten the photos from Kai yet. Will do so when I'm less busy cos I'm having my exams very soon (like coming tues but I haven't touched anything yet) and when I am less lazy.
Hmm I'm getting really tired of things and changes but I know this is how life works so I am trying to get used to it.

It's really not easy to keep lying to yourself everyday. I know I should face it but I just can't and this is the only way out. I just hope I will get over it soon. I don't want to always sound like this cos it feels like a loser to be like this. Trust me I'll be happier. Not that I am not happy now but I just want to be happier lar. haha
Give me some time!

OH YEAH!

2009-10-31T15:37:12Z

This song got me dancing cos its such a happy song! :)

iamyun @ 2009-10-29T23:05:00

2009-10-29T15:09:21Z

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part

I'll be okay, I'll be fearless.

2009-10-27T17:47:57Z

Colbie Caillat - Fearless

If that's the way you love
You've got to learn so much
If that's the way you say goodbye

And this is how it ends
And i'm alright within
Never going to see me cry
Cause i've cried

Chorus:
So go on go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe i'm fearless fearless

So oh woh oh woh oh.....

If this is how it hurts
It couldn't get much worse
If this is how it feels to fall

Then that's the way it is
We live with what we miss
We learn to build another wall
Till it falls

Chorus:
So go on go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe i'm fearless fearless

So oh woh oh woh....

If it's between love and losing
To never have known the feeling
And i'm still sad we've loved

And if i end up lonely
At least i will be there knowing
I believe in love

Go on go on break my heart
I'll be okay
I'm fearless
Better believe i'm fearless fearless

Go on go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe i'm fearless

So oh woh oh....

So go on and leave my love
Go on and leave my love
Go on and leave my love
Better believe i'm fearless fearless
Fearless....

Fell in love with this song the first time I heard it.